A body language expert has revealed the top six signs you’re dating a narcissist — and it has nothing to do with how often they look at their reflection in the mirror.
Talking to FEMAIL Dr. Louise Mahler while selfie culture and being obsessed with how you look might seem narcissistic, there’s actually nothing to worry about.
The body language expert says true narcissists don’t just love themselves — they love a grandiose version of themselves that’s vastly different from the real thing.
“Loving their inflated self-image helps them avoid deep feelings of insecurity,” Dr. Mahler said.
Dr Louise Mahler revealed exactly how to tell if you’re dating a narcissist and how to assess if you can stay in the relationship long term
While relationship expert Dr Lurve explained that the narcissistic behaviors revealed by Dr Mahler should be seen as red and pink flags from the start.
Dr. Mahler says narcissists tend to have exaggerated or overly dramatic facial expressions, but this can be hard to spot, which is why it’s important to understand their key traits.
“When it comes to smiling, a narcissist’s smile never quite reaches their eyes,” she said.
She added that this was concerning because Australians “intrinsically trust a smile”.
“SmileDirectClub research shows that almost 50% of Australians find people who smile seem warm and 60% find those who smile to be more welcoming. Using warm and welcoming behaviors like smiling can in turn empower them take advantage of their partners more easily, especially if their words don’t match their expressions,” she said.
Dr. Mahler explained that narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
Narcissists have a grandiose sense of their own importance
“They just want to associate and be associated with other high-ranking people, places and things and are too good for anything average or ordinary,” she said.
“Many narcissists also display strong signs of superiority over others, appearing to be the only one capable of being right.”
It’s important not to argue with a narcissist, according to Dr. Mahler, who says it will always get nasty because he “can’t be wrong.”
Narcissists Take Center Stage
Narcissists believe they are better than everyone else and expect recognition, according to the expert, and always want to be center stage.
“They often exaggerate or outright lie about their accomplishments and talents,” she said.
“When they talk about work or relationships, all you hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them.
Dr Lurve, pictured, warns that many narcissistic behaviors are red flags – and cautions against letting them slip at the start of a relationship
“Anything that threatens to burst the bubble of fantasy is met with extreme defensiveness and even rage, so those around the narcissist learn to be careful in their denial of reality.”
She said people who “find themselves in the shadow” of a narcissist need to focus on their own dreams.
“Instead of getting lost in the delusions of the narcissist, focus on the things you want for yourself,” she said.
Narcissists Blame Others
Dr. Mahler says that while blame is a classic response posed by people “in the construction industry,” narcissists take it even further.
“If you ask a builder why a job isn’t moving faster, you’ll quickly learn that it was your fault for not ordering the materials or not paying the deposit on time,” he said. she declared.
adding that it is a learned behavior within a cultural group.
It becomes particularly dangerous when knocked up a notch.
Narcissists will manipulate you into believing that none of their actions had consequences and will actively work to portray you as the manipulator in a situation rather than taking responsibility for it.
“Staying true to what you believe in and having the courage to stand up for yourself in the face of a narcissist will unfortunately not change their perception, but will allow you to feel confident in these situations.”
Narcissists are extremely reluctant to change their behavior, even when it causes them problems.
Narcissists can be demanding, make a decision, and will make it happen regardless of the repercussions, especially on their partner, she explained.
“Because they see themselves as special, narcissists truly believe that whatever they want, they have to get,” she said.
“So if you’re with a narcissist, you have to ask yourself if this is the right choice for you.” It is important to remember that narcissists are not looking for partners; they seek obedient admirers.
Exploit others without guilt or shame
“Narcissists view the people in their lives as objects, there to meet their needs,” Dr. Mahler said.
“As a result, they don’t hesitate to take advantage of others to achieve their ends.”
Dr. Mahler said narcissists don’t think about the impact of their actions on others because they think they’re the only important person in the room.
She said it’s sometimes malicious – but more often than not they don’t realize they’re doing it.
“Narcissists simply don’t think about how their behavior affects others.”
Frequently belittles, bullies, intimidates, or belittles others
“Narcissists feel threatened whenever they are challenged in any way,” she said.
“Their defense mechanism is contempt and they put people down. They may do so in a condescending or dismissive manner, or they may attack with insults and sarcastic remarks.
“The problem is that it fuels our own insecurities, which we don’t easily recognize and can adopt as normal behavior. So look at how the narcissist treats others. If the narcissist lies, manipulates, hurts, and disrespects others, he or she may treat you the same,” she said.
Dr. Mahler says that while it is possible to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s “not easy” and you have to “be honest with yourself.”
“A narcissist isn’t going to grow into someone who truly appreciates you, so if you decide to stay, you’ll have to look elsewhere for emotional support and personal fulfillment,” she said.
Red, pink and green flags explained by Dr. Lurve:
Red flags are most common when discussing dating, as we are drawn to the distinctive, negatively connected behaviors we see in potential mates.
Common red flags include excessive controlling behavior, self insecurities and low self-esteem, any type of abuse including substance abuse, codependency and narcissistic traits, or lack of confidence.
Be sure to watch out for behaviors where your date is not communicating well. This can include being unclear about times and places, being insensitive to your needs and feelings, and those who dwell on past relationships or those who can’t stop talking about their ex.
Other common red flags may be when your date is rude to a server or staff, obsessed with their self-image, overreacts to normal situations, or love bombardment (influencing someone with attention and extreme affection).
A relative newcomer to the color flag theory, pink flags are about identifying certain traits or values in your partner that might bother you in the future – something that can potentially turn into a red flag or deviation.
It can be related to having different political views, moral beliefs, differing opinions about things that matter to you and what you want in the future.
Common pink flags include not having the same 10-year plan, such as wanting kids, traveling, moving, or focusing on your career.
We often see a couple where one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, they both stay in the relationship thinking the other person will eventually change their mind.
Another pink flag to watch out for is different love languages and ways of communicating – if these aren’t identified at an early stage in the relationship, it could become a red flag without you noticing, until it becomes too difficult. ignore.
We like to celebrate green flags.
Typically, the dating narrative is about the warning signs of what not to do and who to avoid, but rarely do we focus on the signs we should be looking for as positives and all systems.
I believe something that should be a norm in every relationship is mutual trust and respect, because without those green flags, you’re in for a toxic, bumpy ride.
Having clear boundaries and letting each other be individuals is also an important green flag, because a healthy relationship is just two people choosing to live together while enjoying their own autonomy.
Body language green flags may not seem as easy to identify, but they are just as important and can be essential if you know what to look for.
Keep an eye out for those cheeky smiles, research from SmileDirectClub suggests that over 30% of Australians find the most attractive facial feature to be their smile. Perceiving a cold, calm confidence in a potential partner, especially if they smile a lot around you, is an immediate green flag.
Another green flag is to take the time to get to know each other and respect each other’s interests.
Plus, the levels of communication mean you can be honest and transparent with each other, even in difficult times. Both partners make time for each other, while being sexually connected and attentive to each other’s needs; those green flags are so underrated.
Source: Dr Lurve – as told to FEMAIL